Leading People You Just Don’t Like
Being a good leader doesn’t mean you have to be friends with everyone at work. In fact, befriending everyone, especially someone you supervise may be a bad idea. But what do you do with those that you just cannot stand – the obnoxious, annoying type?
The key for a good leader is to “care.” That is not synonymous with befriend. For those you are not fond of, here are some ideas to help you be a caring leader. You never know, your actions may rub off on others.
Recognize The Heart Of The Problem
The first question to ask yourself is whether the person’s behavior is destructive to the culture or team, or do they just rub you the wrong way. If you are dealing with an issue of insubordination or purposeful disruption then you as the leader can take necessary action. However, if this is a case of you personally not liking them, then the problem is yours and you need to own it. If they are not causing harm, it is unfair to the employee to treat them differently.
Recognize Their Temperament
Once you’ve considered the heart of the problem, look at their personality type. Their incessant questions that annoy you may really be a reflection of how they process information. Their brisk attitude and apparent lack of warmth may be part of their personality or even something they take pride in as they consider themselves thorough and efficient. It may be worth a carefully thought-out conversation, letting them know how you feel when you receive their messages, and the possibility of misperceptions. You have complete control over how you choose to communicate with them. Are you avoiding a conversation?
Recognize What’s Right
Focusing on what makes you dislike the person, perseverating on what most upsets you is only going to make things worse. Instead, look at their strengths and recognize what they do well – to yourself and out loud to them. When you recognize how this person fits into the team and how their skills help the success of the organization, their habits may not seem so grating.
Recognize The Need For Behavior Change
When a person’s habits are negatively impacting the team, you as the leader need to take action. Is the person’s demonstrative attitude in meetings preventing others from offering their opinions? Is their disorganized operating style impacting rules and procedures? By stating that you are making changes to care for the team as a whole, it is less likely that you’re changes will be seen as directed or personal. Take the lead on creating a clear process – for allowing everyone a voice at meetings; for clarifying what is a procedure that must be followed and what is subjective.
Recognize the Power of Communication
Never underestimate the power of communication. A simple conversation in a non-threatening environment can solve many issues. The employee may not even be aware of their habits, or how their actions affect you or others on the job. Communication 101: When this happens… it makes me feel _________________. You may find that what you dislike about the person may be simply a lack of communication.
Do you have examples of how to address personality clashes at work? Let us know, we would love to hear from you.